memories cannot be plucked out
selectively, like rotten fruits,
slowly broken off
images in your mind cannot be ripped
into a million tiny pieces of
worthless blurry
photographs
feelings are not as fickle as
fair-weather friends, and though
the human will is strong,
the silent persistence of the heart
overthrows any reason
and in the end,
triumphs
and words
can be forgotten
like lazy summer days
you can barely recall
but
even after too much time has passed,
their tone
still lingers.
lynette
chantal;song
hope | SNCA2
st anthony's choir
<3 music & art
& starbucks
would really love
AT LEAST PASS dipAB!!!!
RUSSIA with snc
dist for voice
hwachong/nj
violin
these perfect moments
before getting syf results
Jubilate VI
grow fat and die!
Vienna 08
blues farewell ):
Come and gone again
Friday, February 5, 2010 @ 10:42 PM
image from flickr
I can't remember the last time it rained heavily.
I want that feeling again: hearing the incessant drumming of heavy raindrops on hard glass windowpanes, neither giving in; the faint crack of thunder, so soft I can barely hear it but I know it's there; the brief flashes of too-bright white light in the sky, momentarily blinding me so that I close my eyes in defensive reflex. And when I open them again, the sky is a blank black wet canvas and the air is so cold, it hollows me to think that I am at the mercy of all this violent wonder. That if the rain should never cease, I am helpless. That if the wind should choose to blow with all its anger and cause a terrific cyclone, I am useless. And I want that feeling again: when the rain trickles to a hesitant stop, and round little droplets of water roll down leaves like a game, and the atmosphere is so clean and new around me that I almost dare not breathe for fear of ruining it. I want to feel the pavement, cool and free of stray pebbles, grass teasing and tickling, leaving my feet damp with rainwater.
I miss: eating hash browns, hot and crispy, inhaling their scent- freshly baked potatoes, cooked to perfection- like a drug; crunchy and salty and completely hitting the spot. Ice cream, cold, sickeningly sweet ice cream, crying, crying until I think I'd die from all that despair, until each desperate gulp of breath mixes into the next and the next and mixes with the tears that cannot seem to stop, until I almost choke- but it feels so good to give up, even if it's just for those precious five minutes of sadness talking to you, the only time when I can open my mouth and spout out any random nonsense that comes wandering into my brain, and be secure in the knowledge that I will never be judged; sitting on hard concrete; reading kids books in the library; talking until it's too late and I still don't want to go home; just understanding I miss playing just for the pleasure of it, beautiful cascades of notes I miss singing just for the joy of it don't think anyone actually understood
Life is good
Friday, January 29, 2010 @ 11:12 PM
where are you, where are you
I hate nights like these, looking at the ceiling feeling the fan-blown wind curling and tousling my hair
and all I can think of- all my mind is aware of, painfully conscious about
all that I can bear to recall
I hate nights like these, holding precious memories so closely I'm afraid they'll burst and slip through my hands as if they never existed
/
The Friday after-choir dinner/snack with A2s is becoming something of a (wonderful) habit. I love my section I really really do, they're so weird but awesome together!! Like when Sueyi said the moon was beautiful, we turned to look at it in unison, and Kaiyin started to sing this old Chinese song about the beautiful moon, and Yangzhen joined in, and we three greens were like :/ Oh while we were at Bishan, this elite school was having their orientation, and we'd just sat down when this weirdo guy came up to us with a water gun and said 'HANDS UP' in a gruff voice and our juniors screamed. The greens managed to remain composed and I think Mayshuen even managed a brave eyeroll, I couldn't see very clearly, but I think we all had a partial heart attack- it was very startling. However his people cheered so he was probably completing a dare :/
During choir this junior asked Yangzhen if she was on a sugar rush (cause apparently it's unnatural how enthu A2s are, HAHA... okay not all the time but still). Then on the mrt back with her, she was telling me how she shrank 2cm, and I said well, hope you don't shrink anymore, and she said, "Later I'll become a goblin (on a sugar rush)," and then she did this really freaky goblin grin and pose that was hilarious :D
I love choir on Fridays, everyone's so much more relaxed compared to Thurs- and maybe a little too relaxed cause sectionals wasn't fantastic today, WAS IT, altos??- probably cause it's the last day of the week = no tests/school the next day. Haha and Chaichai came up with a new warmup for choir, inspired by Mr Bean! It's so tempting to make choir sing it with actions!
Weitian just told me that Tham asked us to play a duet (as curtain warmer) for Jubilate!! Yay!! :) Now if only greens can do our cool a cappella thing and brainwash Mr Lim into letting us sing Itsuki + Kekatu, which is actually very thrilling and catchy... this Jubilate would be the best!!
By the way JIELIN!! GUESS WHOSE BIRTHDAY IT IS TODAY?? 35'S!! :O
like butter cookies that crumble in your mouth
Thursday, January 21, 2010 @ 8:59 PM
like steam rushing out of the wok the aroma of fish, salt and garlic is almost comforting. The steam is soft, like clouds that burst on your skin leaving it strangely warm
like the perfume that you use sweet red roses and violets in a dreamland of riotous scents wafting, unnoticed, into the mind and before you know it, you're addicted
like the spray of seawater against your legs- cold, refreshing; but if you're not careful they'll go numb, and then who knows when the water ceases to revive, and starts to freeze
like cigarette smoke that chokes, dark swirling dirt in the muddy air contained in the lift, but you can't go anywhere because the only doors that open are closed forbiddingly at the moment
and then one would wonder when choking becomes strangulation like the humid smell of blood. overwhelming and thick almost unbearable, but you have to shut your eyes tight and tolerate it because it is your heart that's bleeding.
hmm, I have no idea what that blurred, unidentifiable pink object isfirst mep photo in the holding site!
HAHAHAHAHA!!!
I AM SIXTEEN!!!
Anyway. Thanks everyone for everything :) :) I think this is the best birthday I've had by far and I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR MAKING TODAY SO AWESOME!! YES!! THANKS
Of course, first: thanks to God for everything- don't even know how to describe it, the feeling that He's given me everything I've ever had and have today, and will ever have. Thanks everyone for all the warm hugs and smiles and for being so bright and happy :D
Thanks to my family for that very healthy dinner my uncle cooked, which was very nutritious and delicious all the same, and to my sister for making milo-marshmallow muffins! in the unearthly morning for me! It smelt heavenly! And thanks to Manda for that extremely beautiful card with dashing Schumann & and her Highness the Lim; thanks to my pervert pals Weiting, Boon and Macks for their cheeriness in the morning and for their (warped) present; to Manda Faith for the scrumptious donuts and Mackie & her mom for the pineapple upside-down cake which I've wanted to try ever since reading the Alice books, it was really yummy :) Thanks to my indescribably wonderful section Alto Twos! to my lovely juniors Kaiyin, Yangzhen, Pheodora, Hilary, Audrey, Natalia, Pammela, Xinting and Jiaying not only for the card & present, and for last Friday, but also for always being so enthu during sectionals and for trying your best and smiling even when we're getting scolded, and to fellow greens Tang and Sueyi, for being so supportive and for being seniors with me; thanks to Clara, Celeste, Vanessa, Cassandra, Sinbing and Kaijun for being such awesome choirmates and WE MUST GO TO RUSSIA!! CHOIR FOREVER!!!; and especially thanks thanks thanks so much to my awesome musical mep friends Manda, Gengen, Hannah, Weitian, Ningning, Sandy, Wen, Fong, Yingtong, Charlyn, Rueiern, May and Heidi for that surprise before mep, I really had no idea that you all planned it all and I'm super touched and grateful that I have such amazingly cunning and wonderful friends like you all Thanks for the cards, for the presents, for the cakes- for the overwhelming amount of food (haha do I look very hungry? But they're all delicious!) and most of all thanks everyone for being there to celebrate and for just being there all the time :D
And thanks to everyone who remembered/messaged (like Vikki... thanks for your interesting messages haha :D ) and for the letters (Pervert Weiting, I almost went blind reading yours) which somehow all uncannily ended with 'let's jiayou for O levels!' YES WE WILL.
I say love: it is a flower, and you its only seed
Friday, January 15, 2010 @ 11:20 PM
My awesome wonderful amazing fantastic freaking unbelievably lovable section is going to be right there on the list of the top three things I'm going to miss about St Nicholas when we graduate. A huge 谢谢 to choir for the sudden outburst of song and for everything everything everything else, incl combining Kekatu which was marvelously fun :)
I LOVE YOU ALTO TWOS!
So you've got to hang on till tomorrow
Saturday, January 9, 2010 @ 8:33 PM
I was going to post something emo but suddenly I felt like laughing so I'm not in the mood to anymore. Anyway, speaking about laughing, I have to say this to myself:
THE MANIC LAUGHTER MUST STOP!
No, I'm not like normal people who cry when they're stressed, or who scream into the muffled safety of pillows, or binge eating/exercising/toilet going- I laugh non-stop, until I cry and my stomach protests and even then I can't stop laughing. I'm so sorry A2s, I know I scared you all silly yesterday when I started laughing like a loon, (only you all started laughing too, there was something wrong then) so please don't think I'm crazy and stop giving me weird looks :) okay?
CCA Fair was actually fun! today, especially when we, as always, started singing old songs (though how come no one ever wants to sing Pomlad?) and I saw one Sec 2 rub her arms and shiver as if she got goosebumps when we started to sing Sakura :D ): I'm going to miss choir!! Five months left (and those five months are going to spent in a horrible way not unlike the nightmarish months leading up to syf) and it'll be farewell,- and it's going to be a great farewell right, whites? :) -first it was the farewell for the reds, then yellows, then blues and I cannot believe that it's going to be our turn, standing with choir and knowing it's the last time we'll sing with them. But until then, we'll plough through Kekatu and the zingibringi vastalavi phrase that has been relentlessly running through my mind since Thursday.
MY CAKE!
Saturday, January 2, 2010 @ 9:04 AM
ignore the slightly bald top(digitally enhanced)
YES that is the cake I baked! Almond cake! I was lucky cause we didn't have enough almond flakes and I had to grind real almonds, and in total the weight barely reached 90g, which was what was needed. And before that my mom took out the blender we've always had but never used before, and we made oreo milkshake (kind of, it sounds more pro than it actually was), which I think tasted wonderful HAHA. SO THERE JIELIN, I CAN COOK OKAY.
Anyway happy happy new year! I was at church again during the countdown, and I didn't expect it to be so festive (it being a church after all) but it was really quite exciting! And also while Father James gave us time to reflect, I realised that last year was really tumultuous with changes like being in a whole new class after being with mep people for two years; changes in choir with the blues stepping down, and then the greens stepping up; changes within everyone and even myself.
Which makes one think: after all that, how can this year not get a whole lot more better and fuller, and most of all happier?? WE CAN DO IT!!
GO ST NICKS!! AND EVERYONE DOING Os!! (AND DIP!! AND RUSSIA!!)